Greg's Cancer Blog
March 30, 2010
The end of this week will be my 9th week out of chemotherapy and radiation treatments for Stage IV Tonsil and Lymph Node Cancer. And what a ride it has been! I am so thankful that my God, family and friends have been with me, supporting and encouraging me, loving me to health, and helping to carry me along the way. Today, despite some residual side effects like constant dry mouth from radiation, and tinnitus from the chemo drug Cisplatin, I am feeling GREAT and every day finds me feeling better than the day before.
At times this journey has been emotionally trying, troubling, difficult and painful – more so within the first few weeks of completing treatments. I cannot imagine how troubling it must be for anyone to trudge through an experience like this without faith in God and hope for a brighter tomorrow.
The first two weeks out of treatment were the worst part of this journey. I suffered from nausea, weakness, fatigue, “chemo-brain”, insomnia and major depression. I spent a lot of time in bed. My darkest hours showed up on February 11, two weeks after completing treatments. While struggling with insomnia I laid awake in the middle of the night, and in my thoughts journeyed to a very cold, dark, foreboding place—a place of selfish concerns regarding my health, unemployment, finances and the uncertain future. I found myself sinking into a pit of despair and began thinking about my brother-in-law who passed away unexpectedly in December. I was thinking that he now has no worries or concerns. I was thinking that he is now in a better place. I imagined myself there. I wanted to be there and imagined the many possible ways to get there. I was, in fact, contemplating suicide. My thoughts turned to my family and their concerns. What would happen to them? How would they overcome the pain and anguish caused by the selfish and cowardly act I was contemplating? I thought of the plight of the people and victims of the devastating earthquake in Haiti. I thought of the kids at St. Jude Children’s Hospital and around the world who are enduring treatment for cancer. I thought of the many others who have traveled this rocky road before me with dignity and grace. I cried and prayed for forgiveness for my selfish, unfaithful thoughts and asked God for His mercy and grace. I also prayed for sleep…and it came.
Upon awakening I opened a book that my friend Jodi loaned to me, David Jeremiah’s Quotable Truths to Live By. I read words of wisdom regarding trials, trust, faith and growth—words of inspiration and encouragement. I also spent much of that morning in Scripture and in prayer, shedding some tears and thanking God for His love, mercy, grace and presence in my life. I had dug myself into that pit of despair and the grace of God pulled me out. From that point on I began to feed my mind with positive and potent messages found in Scripture and other books and sermons. Now, whenever I find myself reaching for that pit-digging shovel, I make a conscious effort to turn my focus away from how big my problems are and instead focus on how big my God is.
As I look in the rearview mirror, it is amazing how far I have come and how quickly my health and spirits have progressively healed since those “dark hours”. And I am truly convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that during times of trouble we can endure anything as long as we make a conscious effort to turn our thoughts away from our circumstances, focus on the needs of others, remind ourselves of God’s goodness in our lives, keep our minds stayed on Him, and know that He is with us each step of the way.
During this week leading up to Easter may we be reminded that no matter how dire the situation may appear, the story of the cross tells us that God can take the worst situation and use it for eternal good.
Post Treatment Status, Effects and Lessons – 9 Weeks Out, 
17 comments)
February 28, 2010
I had a 4-week follow-up visit with my oncologist on Friday, February 26. Blood counts are still low. Some are lower than they were four weeks ago. They gave me an injection of Neupogen. That’s a drug given to stimulate production of blood cells. Was given three other injections of Neupogen at times during chemotherapy. Normal white blood cell count should be 4.5 to 11.0. Mine is 1.0. That means I am at higher risk for infection so I am staying away from crowded places. Most of my other blood counts were also below normal and some were above normal. I’ll return to the oncologist again on Monday for another blood test to see how the Neupogen worked. The doc said it’s because my body is still regenerating itself after the radiation and chemo treatments.
After four weeks out of radiation and chemo I am still taking all of my meals through the tube. I have been experimenting with some “real” foods. Diane (my beloved spouse) made some mashed potatoes, gravy and ground beef for me to try. I was able to eat some of it and also ate three strawberries. No problem swallowing as long as I drink water with every bite. Still am not able to produce saliva and have constant dry mouth. My taste is slowly returning. I am able to get a very slight taste of the food. I started taking a Zinc supplement along with a multi-vitamin every morning. Someone in the blog suggested Zinc to help restore taste. As mentioned in my previous posts, I’ve also been watching a lot of food-related shows on the Travel Channel and have been taking notes about places I want to visit when I am able to taste again. There are a couple places I want to visit in the Chicago area that supposedly make some of the best Chicago Hot Dogs.
I feel fatigued and weak most of the time. That’s caused by the low blood counts. The doctor said I should think about another round of chemo that would involve a 4-day stay in the hospital. During this time I would be infused with a couple of chemo recipes 24 hours a day for 4 days straight. The reason is that one of my cancerous lymph nodes had extra capsular extensions, meaning it is possible that some cancer cells entered my blood stream and might still be floating around my body. The chemo infusion that I received, Cisplatin, was mainly to assist in the radiation and elimination of cancer cells in the head and neck area. The doctor said I should think about the 4-day chemo thing, but would not get it as long as my blood counts are low. I don’t think I’m going to do it. I think I’ll take my chances without it because I really don’t want to have chemo again. Just don’t want to endure the side effects.
Had a hearing test on Wednesday because I have been having constant ringing in my ears for the last 4 or 5 weeks. It gets so loud at times that it is difficult for me to fall asleep at night. Turns out that I have lost some hearing in the higher frequency range and that is why I hear the ringing. The doc believes it is due to the chemo. I will meet with the doc again next Wednesday to talk about hearing aids in both ears. So far, the permanent casualties for me in this war on cancer have been the loss of salivary glands and some loss of hearing. I would consider these as minor losses compared to the casualties experienced by many others.
I don’t know if I will ever really learn patience, but I am getting a lot of exercise in practicing it. What else can we do? It helps when you have faith and hope for better days, and something to look forward to…like a visit to Famous Dave’s for some baby-back BBQ ribs.
Wishing you all the best this life has to offer,
Greg
4 Weeks out of Radiation and Chemo, 12 comments)
Hi Greg,
Glad to see you are continuing to make progress. The next ten weeks will be very trying. That’s how long it takes til your throat heals enough to start nibbling food. I become quite morose during those 10 weeks cause it seems to never end. Don’t get discouraged! Just hold on. During that time, my PEG had become dislodged so I had to drink Walgreen’s supplement (cheepest I could find) four times per day for 2 months. Its great that your wife is working to tempt you to eat. I am the one who found the tip on zinc and I can definitely say today that it did help alot.
Just keep your chin up and keep thinking good thoughts.
Hugs
Anna
Posted on One more thing – I am taking Evoxac for saliva. It does not help alot but you do notice a difference. I also found chewing gum, once you can tolerate it, induces the saliva glands to function so while I am actively chewing, I get a ton of saliva but it stops when the chewing stops. My husband said its like doing physical therapy when a muscle is damaged. You have to retrain it to work again. Toodles!
greg, i know how you feel my last radiation was
jan. 19th and that is when i lost the most weight
and felt the worst for awhile, thanks for the tip on zinc what amount do you take? i am going to walgreen today and i will get some no one at the doctor told me about that? i have to find some
multi vitamins that are easy to swallow as the one a day i have are horse pills.. i am glad i started on lexapro to help me get thru all of this
as you think wow its all over, but it really isnt
i think it is so funny that everyone that cant eat on this blog watches the food network shows
i do too and wish i could have some of that stuff
they make,, i am eating slowly watermelon, soup,
yogart, applesause, etc. but boy nothing taste correct like it should so i dont eat much.. so still on my carnation 560 shakes 2 a day.. my friends and family have been great and the church
is even having a mass for me on march 9th for healing and it works out great as my birthday is march 10th.. i guess i wont be having any wine this birthday.. doctor said i could but it proably wont taste good anyway.. one question, do you have a hard time sleeping at night? since i went off of all pain meds i seem to toss and turn, and fianlly get up around 1:00 and take some benedryl.. i dont blame you about the chemo again, i dont think i could take any of this again.. i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers
if you need to please e mail me at rlwcpa@execpc.com diane w from wisconsin
Posted on Greg,
You are doing what you gotta do. That low count is scarey but the shots of nupregen are worse, they hurt don’t they? I bet you didn’t notice, being so tough and all. Just kidding, trying to get some laughter. I would think the food channels would be tough if you can’t eat, but it gives you a goal and that is perfect. I think mashed potatos and gravy are the perfect cure for anything. Another good one that you might be able to get down would be a cream of potato soup. Go all out and if your wife makes it mix it with whipping cream and that will help you get calories in as well as make it melt in your mouth. Watch your temp. as your count is rising, that is the first signal of a lurking infection. You are doing awesome! Love to all, Sharron
Posted on Greg, Sorry to hear about the low blood counts. I hope the Nupogen injections help. Also sorry to hear about the hearing loss. I am 3 weeks into treatment and experience a slight ringing but only occaisionally. I did mention this to my chemo oncologist and he is going to keep track as it may affect the type of chemo he prescribes. Tomorrow is my 2nd round of chemo.
I’m glad your wife is experimenting with foods for you. At this point, the only foods I can tolerate are Cream of Wheat, Cup O Noodles and cream of potato soup. Hang in there, Greg, you are an inspiration to so many of us who are following this horrible road after you.
Hugs, Chris
Posted on Greg—
I was hoping we’d hear from you soon. Thanks for the update. It sounds like you are making progress and I hope as time goes on, you will be eating more and more foods that you are missing right now. I’m a big foodie and I was so anxious to start eating all the things I love again after my chemo/rad ended. But it takes some time, so don’t get discouraged. It sounds to me like you are a fan of Anthony Bourdain. I love the guy and watch his program often. It makes me want to go around the world and try lots of different foods too! But the ribs at Famous Dave’s sound good too!
Please let us know what your next round of blood work shows. I hope you will see some improvement in your counts, as that will definitely make you feel better. Take care and I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.
Martha
Posted on Hi My Friend! I am so sorry to hear about your blood counts…that is scary. Mine only went that low during treatment. I pray the Neupogen does the trick. I was also sorry to hear about your hearing loss….geez you’ve had a time of it! They had warned me about the hearing thing but fortunately I never had any problems with that.
Oh I think I saw those Chicago Hot Dogs…wanna meet up there when we can eat again! LOL Not sure when that will be for me…sounds like you’re doing much better in that department! I am going to get some zinc and give that a try though. The few things I have tried it seems that the first couple of bites I can taste..slightly…and then nothing!
I know what you mean about the patience Greg! Only thing is we have no choice!
I’m keeping you in my prayers Greg! You’re a strong person and we will get through this and be eating again before you know it!
Big Hugs and lots of smiles!
Trice :-)
Posted on Hi Greg,
Im so sorry to hear about all these side affects you are going thru. Isnt it weird, but as I went thru rads day by day, it didnt feel as bad as what the affects can be. Hope Im making sense. But really…our hearing…who would think??
Well I know youare gonna get thru all of this and YES patience… I was sooooo anxiuos. I thought OK noo more rads, Im ready to heal. Then we learn it doesnt move as quickly as we’d like.
BUT I admire your strong FAITH in GOD and HE has already HEALED you! Its just a matter of getting thru these hurdles.I can say this…IM 6 months out of treatment…I still have issues on my plate…but I am really beginning to FEEL like ME again. My evergy is Fantastic and alot of the effects are starting to settle down.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers…And SOON all of us Tonsil people will be EATING and ENJOYING every bite of food. Tell Diane it will be soon you guys will ENJOY Dinners like old times.
Take care,
Love,
Elena
Posted on Blood counts come back and when they do its like a whole new way. Other than that sounds like things are coming along. Patty and I think on you and your family every day! Looking forward to our next get together. I will personaly make you barbacue to rival famous dave. I been hearin a high pitch sgueel for years. I call it Patty!
Love you
Harry & Patty
Hey Greg,
Glad to hear you are on the mend, but we all want to push harder, so “IT” gets well sooner. Hang in there. I know what you mean about watching the food channel & I don’t know how you can do that with the problems you are going thru. My clothes get tighter JUST watching it, without eating anything! (hehe)
Keep on, keeping on.
Sandy
Posted on hi gregg my computer had a breakdown and lost all my e mails if you can send me yours hope your are
doing ok it has been 2 months out of treatment for me and doing good.. ct scan was great and pet scan end of may i wish you luck in your journey
diane w from wisconsin at rlwcpa@execpc.com
Thank you for the kind comment…how have you been feeling these days? I continue to pray that you are getting your strength back, and I pray for you and your family in any other way?
Take care, and blessings to you!
Larissa
Posted on 
04.29.10 
Thanks for your support - 
Dear Greg,
I’m so glad you’ve weathered the storm and came out stronger. During the same time you’ve just been through my wife would read passages of the Bible to me. It truely soothed my anxiety and help restore peace. One of my favorite prayers I read everyday if from the back of my Mother’s prayer card.
“Lord make me an instrument of Thy peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope, where there is darkness, light and where the is sadness, joy”
“Oh Divine Master, grant that I may no so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, and it is in pardoning, that we are pardoned and it is in dying, that we are born to eternal life.
— St. Francis of Assisi
God bless. You’ll be alright and the sun will shine.
Jacques
Now that you have looked in the rearview mirror lets leave it behind for what is coming up is far greater! Just as Christ died, your low points are dead and gone…He rose again and so shall you! He’s alive! Praising and singing from the heart for all you have to come my friend. This is not an easy journey but God does place some pretty amazing experiences along the way to balance the crud. Look for those wonderful things and be blessed as Spring brings new life back to all living things…including you!
Love, prayer and blessings!
Larissa
Greg—
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so glad that your faith pulled you out of that dark place and that you now have a renewed spirit and the strength to move forward. You are right, you have come a long way. Your cancer journey demonstrates just how easily we can feel hopeless at times, only to come out on the other side full of hope and encouragement if we just hold on and pray for God to do his work. I’m so glad your prayers have been answered. I wish you continued recovery and restoration of good health. May God bless.
Martha
Greg,
God can conquer anything. Glad you made it through-
Hugs
Anna
Greg,
So good to hear from you as you are often on my mind. I understand and can empathize with you on your thoughts of suicide as I’ve been there. It wasn’t over health issues, but realizing that I was not going to be a parent and that’s all I ever wanted to be “when I grew up”. Looking back I realize all the things you realized, however, at the time you’re there, it is so incredibly difficult to remember the people who love you and what it would do to them. Words can’t tell you how thankful I am that you and our God walked through that dark time together and came out on the other side. He has something incredible coming your way and I can’t wait for you to share that news with all of us.
Blessings,
Cindy Lynn
You were able to describe your journey in such a lovely way. I commend you on allowing yourself to share your deepest fear and how you pulled out of it. I think that is a brave and strong emotion for you to share. As always prayers are with you as we come to the close of he most endearing time of the year.
Peace,
Sharron
hug coming your way for all of your family.
Thank you so much for sharing from your heart. I am going to forward your post to a friend who is currently suffering and in the midst of what you have just come out of. I am sure that it will give her hope. You are a blessing to others by sharing what has given you strength in your darkest hours. Thank you and God bless you. Gail
Hey Greg. Sounds like you’re feeling real good these days. I’m about 3 weeks behind you. Nice comments on your philosophy and religious feelings. But, I’m wondering what your Dr’s have to say and wether you are swallowing better these days. Hoping you were able to have the ribs you wanted a while back! Regards, Frank
Dear Greg,
First thing I thought of when you mentioned thoughts of suicide was ‘oh no, we could have lost Greg!’ You’re a big part of our family here, too.
I’m so thankful at the darkest part of your depression you remembered your family and what it would do to them if you followed through.
I know you will continue to improve and these past months will be a fading memory before long.
Greg,
It’s so good to hear that things are looking up for you and that you are feeling better! Our God is good and certainly does answer prayer. You are and always have been a real inspiration to me. Have a Great Easter! Jodi
Hi Greg, Thank you for your post and for being so honest. I am so glad that your strength, family, and spirituality pulled you through all this. IAs you know I have been following your blog with great interest,and am about to embark on the next leg of my journey this coming Monday. I have copied and pasted your last blog entry into a file to have and read if I need it. Greg I find you one of the most inspirational people, God bless you and your family, and hopefully the bad parts of your cancer journey will fade in the coming months, and you will be able to get back to enjoying life and eating ribs as soon as possible.
Sunshine and Smiles val
Wow thats something. Brings tears to my eyes. Believe me my friend I don’t cry to easy unless the story is sad. Very god news. Looking forward to seeing you soon
Love ya Harry
Greg;one day at a time terry is still having heart problems;he is over the chemo and radiation but still has no salavry or taste buds .he is still using the feeding tube food turns him off he manages a half cup of cream of wheat but not daily.i have tried about everything i can think of.guess it will come in time .are you able to eat yet? terrys heart has him oh so tired they have trippled his heart meds he wore a moniter for 24 hrs we have not got the results yet he is so weak cannot do much of anything .let us hear from you .ellen
greg, i have tried to e mail you but no answer
patrice said you had a pet scan and had to have it done twice , i had mine yesterday 5 14- and will not know until next tuesday thinking positive
how is your voice, your eating, etc. i know we are about the same time .. keep in touch thru
email if possible
diane w at rlwcpa@execpc.com
i’m on day one… thanks for this blog…